Would you let your daughter marry him?

The world has changed quite a lot since about 50 years ago. Racial barrier has come down and in a country where there used to be one dominant race, creed and colour has now become a rainbow. One need not go far, one has only to watch the soccer scene, one cannot help but notice the mixture of race and nationalities and colour of the players. For a national team even from Europe, one notice that no particular gene type dominate the game.

Years ago I remember hearing remarks like, "Would you let your daughter marry him". That was in the 60s and he was a coloured fella that they were talking about. The scene could be in America or in England, or even in Malaysia where racial prejudice was quite rampant. But today things have changed and intermarriage is nothing new and nothing to talk about really. Even then there are people especially parents who fears their daughter marrying someone from another country or another races and worst of all those 'below' them. By 'below' it could mean colour, wealth, rank, title, family background, origin or just perception about someone not really suitable (in their thinking) to marry their daughters.

Intermarriage does not mean just interracial or inter-national marriages, it can also be within the same race, in the same country but different social standing. Rarely it happens say a daughter of a Royal Family marries a Commoner, or for that matter a person of Arabic origin will always try to find a husband for their daughters from those of Arabic origin only. It just come natural to these people. I don't really know why.

The most common understanding of intermarriage is of course between different races, black and white and between different religions. And in addition between different nationalities. In Malaysia Malays marry Chinese or Indian marry Chinese or Chinese marry Indians. Actually its most difficult for Malays to marry with other races because of religion, for as many as 99.9999% of Malays are Muslims, and Muslims are not allowed to marry those non-Muslims, (except under certain religious circumstances like the non-Muslims are people of the Kitab like Judaism and Christians, and these people must be of the original religions which makes it most difficult - how many of those professing Judaism of Christianity are those that can be categorised as those from the original religion?), so non-Muslims marrying the Malays (a Muslim most likely) will have to be converted to a Muslim, thus taking Islam as his or her religion. (I do not like the sound of this but that is a fact of life in Malaysia - like the sun always rises from the east and when it rises from the west then it is the signal of trouble). Many of such marriages have resulted in divorce or even misfits couples. But that is another story.

Intermarriages in Malaysia have produced some good results. Many of those that resulted from intermarriage think of themselves as Malaysian first and their race next. But in most cases they will think of themselves as the race of the dominant parent, a Malay Muslim in this case is always dominant so they will be brought up as Malays. But I am not sure about the other intermarriages, that is between Indians and Chinese, as to who is the dominant parent? From my observation I have seen the Chinese are more dominant but I have also seen Chinese looking Indians, that is someone physically Chinese -especially girls - but dress like an Indian (in sari for girls) have dots on their foreheads (girls) and speak Indian. I do not know whether this was the result of intermarriage or the result of adoption.

But intermarriage also have resulted in broken family. Mainly due to cultural difference or not really understanding the inherent culture of each race in that marriage. And sometimes the in-laws play a lot as the frictional forces, each in-law wanting to be the dominant party. There is that false pride, and each in-laws wants to show the superiority of the race where they originated from.

A special case worth mentioning here is the intermarriage between the local Malaysian and their foreign brides. If a Malaysian Chinese say marry someone from Hong Kong, it will not show differences very much. And many Malaysian Indians get brides from India and Ceylonese from Sri Langka and these are quite acceptable in the Malaysian society. Even if a Chinese marries a Korean or a Japanese (these marriages rarely happen to the best of my knowledge), it will also not show very much as contrasts. But when they bring in white brides from Europe or America or Australia/New Zealand then there will be great contrast. Remember that these countries are "Westernised' and their women are more dominant. Many such intermarriages had occurred because many Malaysians have studied in these countries, and in the process of being there, away from home for a long period, have fallen in love with local girls over there. In the end they commit themselves to marriage, and most of the couple return to Malaysia. The cultural shock to the foreign brides is too much and many have ended in divorce and the foreign bride returning to their own countries. Many have ended ungraciously for the children where problems of custody and even kidnapping have occurred. I suppose this does not only happen to Malaysians, it may also happen to other people in this worlds when they marry women of different culture especially from Europe, Americas , Australia and New Zealand. But I must also admit that there are success stories. I have known people on both sides of the situation, the failures and the success. Not necessarily those Malaysians who follow the Western traditions, there are Western born ladies who follow the Malaysian traditions which have resulted in successful intermarriages. And of religion? Well there are very good Western ladies Muslims that I know of in Malaysia, in fact there are many Muslims now in Europe and other countries. So religion is not really now the main reason for breaking up of intermarriage between Malaysians and the so called white.

The perspective of intermarriage here is on a very narrow scale. I am looking at the very short sight of Malaysian scenario. In the more advanced countries, intermarriage have been an ongoing process. That is why there is no more dominant 'colour' in England say or for that matter in America. Even in Europe I have seen the dominant colour (and the features) changing and the white dominant colour eroding; Australia and New Zealand probably is a different case but even then you can see that their citizens are not the Caucasian people anymore. So intermarriage is already an accepted phenomena and I believe soon there will be just world (or earth) people and no more 'dominant' features or colours people. But that will take a long time to come into being but it will come. Malaysia for example is a melting pot of Asian (and probably some Europeans) and I am seeing today Malaysian people who are no more the people I used to see in my younger days. The features of Malaysian people are changing, (maybe due to the food they eat), but I believe that there is a lot of cross breeding resulting in the features evolving into the racial stock that we will be seeing in say 50 years time. Flat nosed, slant eyed, thick lips, dark complexion and all the racial features of one race today will soon disappear and what will be realised will be the features of a Malaysian race. Whether the politicians like it or not the evolution is going on right today, and nothing will stop that, not even religion.

The tragedy of broke intermarriages will still be there. The pride of each race trying to inbreed and maintain the race will still be there. The higher strata of society trying to maintain the status will still be there. But these will soon be far in between and probably will be considered as a rarity. It will be no more threat to intermarriages, between the people of one country or/and between the people of different countries. In this borderless world and ease of traveling, marrying a bride from another country will be as easy as taking breakfast in London and dinner in Kuala Lumpur, each meal being taken in your own family home, each family consisting of people from a different race origin and colour. And the children will not be anymore a Malaysia or a British, only the politicians be starting to worry about that - they wanting to maintain their national status and national citizen. In fact for a few of the backward countries, many countries have now allow dual citizenship or at the least a free movement from one country to another if either parent is from that country.

Intermarriage is not stoppable.


To shout back, e-mail: mylias@tm.net.my