Choose. Wife, Mistress or Girlfriend?
This article appeared in my earlier blog. At that time it was written to answer a few questions on some Internet discussion on why Muslims need more than one wife, or rather why Muslims are allowed to have more than one wife.
However I have been reading of late about people living together for years without even getting married (marriage recognised by the State or/and Religion) and having children as well, some as many as 3 or 4 already. And these people are proud of the situation. And the general public in the society they live in seems to be very quiet about it. And they even announce to the press (or rather get reported in the press) sometimes about them now just about to get married. In those years (50s or 60s) it only happened in Hollywood, but now it happens all over in the Western world, the so called civilised West. Is that really what Western Civilisation is all about. And some celebrity change girlfriends/boyfriends like they change their underwear. And when reported in the press they say, "Please separate my career and my private life". And these are public figures (trend setters to general public all over the world, West or East) like Football Managers/Coaches and Senior Politicians. Is that what we really want? Is there nothing more sacred. Anyway, do many people now understand what sacred mean. And do many people living this way believe in any religion at all? Even in Malaysia the state is trying to change religion into something that follows the trend instead of religion setting the trend. They call it Islam Hadhari*. I have better stop here before I be called talking about religion and politic, which are two forbidden subjects to be discussed without getting emotional about it. And living together unmarried, do people not get emotional about it?. Lets proceed to talking about having more than one wife.
(*From another perspective, one should read Hadhrah Islam vs Islam Hadhari by Ahmad Adnan Bin Fadzil published by As-Siyasah Enterprise, first edition August 2004.)
King Solomon had 1000 wives, so I am told. King David had 100 wives. Prophet Muhammad PBUM had 11 wives (I stand corrected), why is there issues when we Muslims are allowed 4 wives?. Why should other people worry?. So they say, "If you want to marry 4 wives then become a Muslim" Is that good enough reason to become a Muslim?. The Monks in the Vatican called Muslims "People who have multiple wives".
Now that is interesting. What about people who have multiple girl friends, like what have been reported in the press recently? That may not be bad, but what about people who have multiple mistresses? Its OK if you can afford it, financially, emotionally and the wife’s wrath if she finds out. Some wives even allow their husbands to keep Mistresses, its part of the custom. Or people who have women on the side, and no one knows - but God knows. Or people who have no relationship but fornicate with whatever partners they feel like fornicating with, behaving like cows and chicken, ducks, cats and dog, and horses. Even these animals have their limits and have a sort of selective culture. Even studs have controlled sex, even though they have multiple partners. But men (and women of course) are creatures with very unexplained sexual habits and never satisfied.
Women are like cats, they can be very good and friendly or they can be very nasty. When they want something out of you, they may raise their tails and start coming meowing to you, even sit on your lap or just lean their warm furry body (no wonder they call them pussy) against your legs. You give them something to play with or to eat and they look so grateful. And after that they just stroll away, or lying in warmth of the sun or in front of a fire beautifying themselves. And they can be very playful, turning their body around and stretching looking at you so innocent. And you can't help but to love a cat. But they are not really that good, their shedded fur may dirty the sofa and they have smelly shit. But they are very careful when they shit, they will always try to cover it, just like every women. If you have owned cats before, do you observe that if you give a cat something to eat, it will always guard it, and will growl loudly if another cat tries to get at it. Try giving a cat a fish and see how jealously it guards the fish.
Men are like dogs. They are always ready for 'encounters', especially the just coming of age dogs. They pee everywhere, at a tree trunk, at lamp posts and even against the wall, just like men. And during mating season, they will go all out to get the female dogs, just like men. And their mating season is all the year around, so there is no season really as long as the females are ready. But unlike men, they never force their way into a female dog but men do. But female dogs are very sporting. They let the male dogs fight over them but when they mate they let each other choose the mate they like. There will probably be a crowd of female following a male, and the male will try to mate as many as it can, like men. If there are more than one male there will be a fight but it soon ends when a female goes out of the group with the male it chooses. And at food time, the male will always get the best portion.
You may say that cats and dogs are irrelevant subject when introducing a subject about 4 wives. Maybe so, but it looks so similar, behaviour wise, on’t you think?
How do you really behave if say you have 100 wives. You have no time for anything. 1/3 of you waking hours you have to attend to your wives, 100 days in 365 days a year. Even if you do not attend to them, they still want your attention. But I suppose in those days, situations were different. And being Prophets they have special ‘gift’ from the Almighty. Women may not have been so demanding as they are today. Today's women want to be men, in everything. But is that their faults? Not really, its the men's fault, we let them be that way. Even the Malaysian Government are inclined that way, now they want more women as dercision makers. But don’t we enough women as decision makers now? Almost every husband make decision, unofficilly and/or officially, based on their home environment. And who controll the home but the wives. I suppose it all started way back when men were so sexually inclined, say after coming back home having been in a war, that when women refused their advances they went mad, I mean sexually frustrated so they just made sure that they got what they wanted sexually by letting the women ask for anything and do anything as long as the men got their sexual favours. And on top of that there are people who never marry or never allowed to be married so they advised those who are married to give away to women, the weaker creatures they said (they not knowing that women are the stronger creatures). Its just my speculation and may not be true. But women sure got their way, and always will want it that way. I remember when I stayed in this dig (lodging with a family in UK), in my student days, when my landlady asked her husband to do anything he always said. "Yes dear" and never even raised his head. And when they went to the pub together after the evening meals he always helped her to put her coat on and then opened the door and faithfully walked beside her, He was such a gentleman. He is now dead and I am told that the wife remarried and migrated to the USA. I suppose he had to then as my landlady then was his first wife and he her second husband. The first husband used to come and spend the weekend at the house. What they (I mean the first husband spending the weekend at the house) did I never found out. But the first husband was also such a gentleman that he seemed always to help in the house, and even a bit in the small front garden. And the incumbent husband allowed all that. I wonder what else he allowed?
But in some other parts of the world there is another extreme where women and men are concerned. In one City in SEA there is a restaurant that I have been to called "No Hand Restaurant". Its really a no hand place, you are served by girls (and women I suppose, I could hardly tell) without you even have to lift a finger. They did everything for you, even wipe you mouth. And the food was not bad and the service prompt. You can have almost anything you want even the after dinner dessert if you are willing to pay for more. And at that meal they showed you what you will have if you decide to have the after dinner dessert.
Men, just like dogs are greedy for female. Of course you need not marry them if you do not want to or be able to keep them and maintain them ‘unofficially’. Nowadays they called it "live in" girlfriends or boyfriends. But in Islam its a very sinful situation and if you have sexual relationship with them its a grave sin. And if you produce children then they are bastards, unlike in some society the society accepts bastards, they do not call them bastards anymore in the situation I mentioned above. Some society even praise those who raise bastards, charitable they say. Anyway most Muslim men marry because it is the expected thing to do, to procreate. And Prophet Muhammad PBUM mentioned that since he was married he expects all of his followers to marry if they can afford to. If they cannot afford to then Muslim men are expected to fast. There is a lot of meaning to that word "fast", fast can mean physical fast that is go without food, drinks etc etc similar to a normal Ramadan Muslim fast, that is from sunrise to sunset or when the Koraan said "fast" it may mean fast from sex. I would not know but all my Ustaz (Muslim Religious Teachers) say that fast mean go without whatever from sunrise to sunset. But what then after sunset? Ustaz said the you pray the whole night, the "night prayer" and probably read the Koraan. In that way you forget about women and sex. It s easy to say but when you are young you have certain physical problem, something voluntarily 'stands up'. Its a difficult life if you cannot afford to marry, but if you do not want to get married and be abstaining then you may just live a good life,. I have a few friends who are like that and they seem happy enough.
Now back to wives. A Muslim man, any man for that matter, would legally marry a wife, for better or for worse, in health and in sickness, till death do us part. As far as I know in other societies, non-Muslim, they must stick to having one wife till death. In certain societies they allow divorcee and remarriage to the same woman or marry another women. In some other societies divorce is not allowed (but I know that they still get divorce legally or not). If you decide to separate then you cannot (and should not) marry another women legally, in the eyes of the religion concerned. And in one minor society that I have heard of, you can share a wife, probably among the brothers. What strange arrangement in our eyes but to them its not strange, and I am told that it works. I saw a show about this on TV, National Geographic programme, and the programme said that its widely practiced in some Central Asian society. Anyway in Muslim society you can marry more than one wife legally. And many Muslim man remain with only one wife, or divorce that one wife and marry another. To take another wife or wives simultaneously is a difficult task, the first wife difficulties to accept the situation and the second wife reluctance to become the second wife (women's ego). But you may find the acceptance level may be high among few Muslim couple, who probably are very religious, either voluntarily or through threat by the husband. And some Muslim women believe that if they allow the husband to take more than one wife, with her permission and good faith, she has lready booked a ticket to Heaven.
A woman told me once that having another wife (or other wives) at the same time for a man is like that man sleeping on hard bare coconut shell with a frog under it croaking the whole night. Its both a mental and physical torture. But some men go through that just to satisfy themselves, and probably they do not mind going through all that as long as their ego is being satisfied. I am told that in a Muslim society to have more than one wife you must be fair to all the wives, stroke for stroke, if you know what I mean. But is that possible. Don't you have favourites? Don't the other wife/wives try to make her your favourite? I don't know and I never tried. But I know from what I have seen, sometimes the man would spent more time with the wife/wives who are younger or the ones with many children (or as a result of spending more time, produces many children). And sometimes the older wife agrees, "I like it when he doesn't disturb me that often". Wife being disturbed? I remember seeing one programme on Astro where they have this visit to Perth. This young wife in the programme kept repeating (many times mind you) that her husband was in KL attending to his business and she said something like " I don't enjoy my stay here if my husband is around, he disturbs me all the time". What does that mean to you?
Back to being ideally fair, I don't suppose any man can be really, I mean really, fair to all the wives. I was told that the story about King Solomon who one night decided to try to impregnate all his 1000 wives in one night, he wanted many children to expand his army. The story did not say that he was successful, but from the religious point of view the story ended with King Solomon not saying "Insya Allah" when he said he wanted to impregnate all his 1000 wives in one night. By not saying that he did not succeed. I suppose its too much to do all that impregnation in one night. May God forgive what I am saying.
It sounds so ideal to have more than 1 wife. I remember one Ustaz told me the virtue of having more than I wife. So that we have many homes to go back to and the other wives where the husband do not return to will have more time for herself, to do social work for example, to be with her children, siblings and parents. And if she works, she would sleep peacefully the whole night without the husband asking for her services. I thought that was a weak excuse but I am sure the Ustaz believed in what he said.
Remember P.Ramlee's film "Madu Tiga". Tricky wasn't it. Lies and more lies. But of course it being a story in a film it ended happily ever after.
Its not that easy to have more than one wife if you think seriously about it. Taking care of one wife is bad enough (Agreed?) but to add another and then another and then another, its like adding more burden on your back and one day your back will break. Some may even break on the second burden, and some has already broken on the first load. That is why some may just say "Yes dear", a broken horse.
But men being men, they are nasty creatures. They are hunters, they are explorers and adventurers. The nearest home where they can hunt and explore and be at adventure is with women. Some have good adventures and have a lot of stories to tell but most have bad adventures. And some misadventures and for some a mentally warped creature the adventure is when they turn to sexual abuse and rape. And with the high pressure in society today such as rape and sexual abuse, even in the same family or with own children and grandchildren. It becomes more rampant or was it rampant then but never reported?.
We all live in a dream world. We would like to command the world if we can and the smallest world that we can command is our own family. Some cannot even command their own family. And some try to expand that command into having more than one wife to expand their world. Is that expansion wise?
Can we blame the women for being defensive? And in their defense they become more offensive literally. They become 'men'. Saw the recent Olympic?
=================================
To shout back, e-mail: mylias@tm.net.my
However I have been reading of late about people living together for years without even getting married (marriage recognised by the State or/and Religion) and having children as well, some as many as 3 or 4 already. And these people are proud of the situation. And the general public in the society they live in seems to be very quiet about it. And they even announce to the press (or rather get reported in the press) sometimes about them now just about to get married. In those years (50s or 60s) it only happened in Hollywood, but now it happens all over in the Western world, the so called civilised West. Is that really what Western Civilisation is all about. And some celebrity change girlfriends/boyfriends like they change their underwear. And when reported in the press they say, "Please separate my career and my private life". And these are public figures (trend setters to general public all over the world, West or East) like Football Managers/Coaches and Senior Politicians. Is that what we really want? Is there nothing more sacred. Anyway, do many people now understand what sacred mean. And do many people living this way believe in any religion at all? Even in Malaysia the state is trying to change religion into something that follows the trend instead of religion setting the trend. They call it Islam Hadhari*. I have better stop here before I be called talking about religion and politic, which are two forbidden subjects to be discussed without getting emotional about it. And living together unmarried, do people not get emotional about it?. Lets proceed to talking about having more than one wife.
(*From another perspective, one should read Hadhrah Islam vs Islam Hadhari by Ahmad Adnan Bin Fadzil published by As-Siyasah Enterprise, first edition August 2004.)
King Solomon had 1000 wives, so I am told. King David had 100 wives. Prophet Muhammad PBUM had 11 wives (I stand corrected), why is there issues when we Muslims are allowed 4 wives?. Why should other people worry?. So they say, "If you want to marry 4 wives then become a Muslim" Is that good enough reason to become a Muslim?. The Monks in the Vatican called Muslims "People who have multiple wives".
Now that is interesting. What about people who have multiple girl friends, like what have been reported in the press recently? That may not be bad, but what about people who have multiple mistresses? Its OK if you can afford it, financially, emotionally and the wife’s wrath if she finds out. Some wives even allow their husbands to keep Mistresses, its part of the custom. Or people who have women on the side, and no one knows - but God knows. Or people who have no relationship but fornicate with whatever partners they feel like fornicating with, behaving like cows and chicken, ducks, cats and dog, and horses. Even these animals have their limits and have a sort of selective culture. Even studs have controlled sex, even though they have multiple partners. But men (and women of course) are creatures with very unexplained sexual habits and never satisfied.
Women are like cats, they can be very good and friendly or they can be very nasty. When they want something out of you, they may raise their tails and start coming meowing to you, even sit on your lap or just lean their warm furry body (no wonder they call them pussy) against your legs. You give them something to play with or to eat and they look so grateful. And after that they just stroll away, or lying in warmth of the sun or in front of a fire beautifying themselves. And they can be very playful, turning their body around and stretching looking at you so innocent. And you can't help but to love a cat. But they are not really that good, their shedded fur may dirty the sofa and they have smelly shit. But they are very careful when they shit, they will always try to cover it, just like every women. If you have owned cats before, do you observe that if you give a cat something to eat, it will always guard it, and will growl loudly if another cat tries to get at it. Try giving a cat a fish and see how jealously it guards the fish.
Men are like dogs. They are always ready for 'encounters', especially the just coming of age dogs. They pee everywhere, at a tree trunk, at lamp posts and even against the wall, just like men. And during mating season, they will go all out to get the female dogs, just like men. And their mating season is all the year around, so there is no season really as long as the females are ready. But unlike men, they never force their way into a female dog but men do. But female dogs are very sporting. They let the male dogs fight over them but when they mate they let each other choose the mate they like. There will probably be a crowd of female following a male, and the male will try to mate as many as it can, like men. If there are more than one male there will be a fight but it soon ends when a female goes out of the group with the male it chooses. And at food time, the male will always get the best portion.
You may say that cats and dogs are irrelevant subject when introducing a subject about 4 wives. Maybe so, but it looks so similar, behaviour wise, on’t you think?
How do you really behave if say you have 100 wives. You have no time for anything. 1/3 of you waking hours you have to attend to your wives, 100 days in 365 days a year. Even if you do not attend to them, they still want your attention. But I suppose in those days, situations were different. And being Prophets they have special ‘gift’ from the Almighty. Women may not have been so demanding as they are today. Today's women want to be men, in everything. But is that their faults? Not really, its the men's fault, we let them be that way. Even the Malaysian Government are inclined that way, now they want more women as dercision makers. But don’t we enough women as decision makers now? Almost every husband make decision, unofficilly and/or officially, based on their home environment. And who controll the home but the wives. I suppose it all started way back when men were so sexually inclined, say after coming back home having been in a war, that when women refused their advances they went mad, I mean sexually frustrated so they just made sure that they got what they wanted sexually by letting the women ask for anything and do anything as long as the men got their sexual favours. And on top of that there are people who never marry or never allowed to be married so they advised those who are married to give away to women, the weaker creatures they said (they not knowing that women are the stronger creatures). Its just my speculation and may not be true. But women sure got their way, and always will want it that way. I remember when I stayed in this dig (lodging with a family in UK), in my student days, when my landlady asked her husband to do anything he always said. "Yes dear" and never even raised his head. And when they went to the pub together after the evening meals he always helped her to put her coat on and then opened the door and faithfully walked beside her, He was such a gentleman. He is now dead and I am told that the wife remarried and migrated to the USA. I suppose he had to then as my landlady then was his first wife and he her second husband. The first husband used to come and spend the weekend at the house. What they (I mean the first husband spending the weekend at the house) did I never found out. But the first husband was also such a gentleman that he seemed always to help in the house, and even a bit in the small front garden. And the incumbent husband allowed all that. I wonder what else he allowed?
But in some other parts of the world there is another extreme where women and men are concerned. In one City in SEA there is a restaurant that I have been to called "No Hand Restaurant". Its really a no hand place, you are served by girls (and women I suppose, I could hardly tell) without you even have to lift a finger. They did everything for you, even wipe you mouth. And the food was not bad and the service prompt. You can have almost anything you want even the after dinner dessert if you are willing to pay for more. And at that meal they showed you what you will have if you decide to have the after dinner dessert.
Men, just like dogs are greedy for female. Of course you need not marry them if you do not want to or be able to keep them and maintain them ‘unofficially’. Nowadays they called it "live in" girlfriends or boyfriends. But in Islam its a very sinful situation and if you have sexual relationship with them its a grave sin. And if you produce children then they are bastards, unlike in some society the society accepts bastards, they do not call them bastards anymore in the situation I mentioned above. Some society even praise those who raise bastards, charitable they say. Anyway most Muslim men marry because it is the expected thing to do, to procreate. And Prophet Muhammad PBUM mentioned that since he was married he expects all of his followers to marry if they can afford to. If they cannot afford to then Muslim men are expected to fast. There is a lot of meaning to that word "fast", fast can mean physical fast that is go without food, drinks etc etc similar to a normal Ramadan Muslim fast, that is from sunrise to sunset or when the Koraan said "fast" it may mean fast from sex. I would not know but all my Ustaz (Muslim Religious Teachers) say that fast mean go without whatever from sunrise to sunset. But what then after sunset? Ustaz said the you pray the whole night, the "night prayer" and probably read the Koraan. In that way you forget about women and sex. It s easy to say but when you are young you have certain physical problem, something voluntarily 'stands up'. Its a difficult life if you cannot afford to marry, but if you do not want to get married and be abstaining then you may just live a good life,. I have a few friends who are like that and they seem happy enough.
Now back to wives. A Muslim man, any man for that matter, would legally marry a wife, for better or for worse, in health and in sickness, till death do us part. As far as I know in other societies, non-Muslim, they must stick to having one wife till death. In certain societies they allow divorcee and remarriage to the same woman or marry another women. In some other societies divorce is not allowed (but I know that they still get divorce legally or not). If you decide to separate then you cannot (and should not) marry another women legally, in the eyes of the religion concerned. And in one minor society that I have heard of, you can share a wife, probably among the brothers. What strange arrangement in our eyes but to them its not strange, and I am told that it works. I saw a show about this on TV, National Geographic programme, and the programme said that its widely practiced in some Central Asian society. Anyway in Muslim society you can marry more than one wife legally. And many Muslim man remain with only one wife, or divorce that one wife and marry another. To take another wife or wives simultaneously is a difficult task, the first wife difficulties to accept the situation and the second wife reluctance to become the second wife (women's ego). But you may find the acceptance level may be high among few Muslim couple, who probably are very religious, either voluntarily or through threat by the husband. And some Muslim women believe that if they allow the husband to take more than one wife, with her permission and good faith, she has lready booked a ticket to Heaven.
A woman told me once that having another wife (or other wives) at the same time for a man is like that man sleeping on hard bare coconut shell with a frog under it croaking the whole night. Its both a mental and physical torture. But some men go through that just to satisfy themselves, and probably they do not mind going through all that as long as their ego is being satisfied. I am told that in a Muslim society to have more than one wife you must be fair to all the wives, stroke for stroke, if you know what I mean. But is that possible. Don't you have favourites? Don't the other wife/wives try to make her your favourite? I don't know and I never tried. But I know from what I have seen, sometimes the man would spent more time with the wife/wives who are younger or the ones with many children (or as a result of spending more time, produces many children). And sometimes the older wife agrees, "I like it when he doesn't disturb me that often". Wife being disturbed? I remember seeing one programme on Astro where they have this visit to Perth. This young wife in the programme kept repeating (many times mind you) that her husband was in KL attending to his business and she said something like " I don't enjoy my stay here if my husband is around, he disturbs me all the time". What does that mean to you?
Back to being ideally fair, I don't suppose any man can be really, I mean really, fair to all the wives. I was told that the story about King Solomon who one night decided to try to impregnate all his 1000 wives in one night, he wanted many children to expand his army. The story did not say that he was successful, but from the religious point of view the story ended with King Solomon not saying "Insya Allah" when he said he wanted to impregnate all his 1000 wives in one night. By not saying that he did not succeed. I suppose its too much to do all that impregnation in one night. May God forgive what I am saying.
It sounds so ideal to have more than 1 wife. I remember one Ustaz told me the virtue of having more than I wife. So that we have many homes to go back to and the other wives where the husband do not return to will have more time for herself, to do social work for example, to be with her children, siblings and parents. And if she works, she would sleep peacefully the whole night without the husband asking for her services. I thought that was a weak excuse but I am sure the Ustaz believed in what he said.
Remember P.Ramlee's film "Madu Tiga". Tricky wasn't it. Lies and more lies. But of course it being a story in a film it ended happily ever after.
Its not that easy to have more than one wife if you think seriously about it. Taking care of one wife is bad enough (Agreed?) but to add another and then another and then another, its like adding more burden on your back and one day your back will break. Some may even break on the second burden, and some has already broken on the first load. That is why some may just say "Yes dear", a broken horse.
But men being men, they are nasty creatures. They are hunters, they are explorers and adventurers. The nearest home where they can hunt and explore and be at adventure is with women. Some have good adventures and have a lot of stories to tell but most have bad adventures. And some misadventures and for some a mentally warped creature the adventure is when they turn to sexual abuse and rape. And with the high pressure in society today such as rape and sexual abuse, even in the same family or with own children and grandchildren. It becomes more rampant or was it rampant then but never reported?.
We all live in a dream world. We would like to command the world if we can and the smallest world that we can command is our own family. Some cannot even command their own family. And some try to expand that command into having more than one wife to expand their world. Is that expansion wise?
Can we blame the women for being defensive? And in their defense they become more offensive literally. They become 'men'. Saw the recent Olympic?
=================================
To shout back, e-mail: mylias@tm.net.my
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