My Heart - Doubts

There is always some doubts in ones life. Like before you are circumcised, like just before your wedding vow, like before you step on an aeroplane. One of mine was when I have beautifully admitted myself into the hospital ward for my heart bypass surgery. Questions. Questions. Questions. Questions. How painful will the surgery be? Will I survive the surgery? How long will I recover fully after the surgery? What happen after the surgery? How will the ICU be like? Will I ever be able to lead a normal life after the surgery. All these total to DOUBTS.

With all the questions and doubts in my mind, I have to use outside help to ride over the fears and to enter into the surgery, some mean of sharing the doubts, some mean of telling someone indirectly about your doubts, some mean of sharing the fear. Which means that you have to share them with many people. Spread the risk ‘sort of’. So I SMS all those in my handphone list about my surgery, tell everybody. Spread the words around. And incidentally my wife had also spread the words around as well, she has many friends especially women. By the women knowing, the men will also know. And my Cardiologist who happens to be my old Classmate have also spread the words around to all my old Classmates and so words got spread around like wildfire. And added to that my old working colleagues from a couple of organisations that I have worked in before also knew and more words got spread around.

How come the Cardiologist be my Classmate?. We were together taking the Malaysian Certificate of Education examinations (equivalent to GCE ‘O’ Level) in 1960. So we call it the Class of 60. And these guys (they are all guys!) have been together, some from 1953, others from 1957 and some others from 1959. There were 60 of us originally in that Class of 60 (year and not number, number 60 just happened to be a coincident). And we all took the same exams. And as we spread around the world, got qualified and most return to the old country, and the Alma Mater. And we got together again, and renewed our friendships. We try to meet at least once a month (though not that always successfully) but we try. We have meals together, we talk shop and we talk about old time, gathering sympathies with each other, and comforting some of the widows whose husbands have left us - and there are a few of us who have gone.

Anyway words got around, friends and relative came, from far and near to be with me on the evening and on the night of the surgery. Even the Nurses at the Hospital wondered how come I have so many visitors and I am no politician or anyone famous for that matter. They all came to wish me well, to share my risk, to give comfort. I cannot mention the names, there were too many and its not fair to mention anyone by name. And they were there until about the midnight when they all have to go away, by Hospital rules.

I bathed in my glory. My fear subsided or shall I say taken away, shared. My doubts forgotten and whatever else were in my heart then were being inundated by the good wishes. I was ready.

To shout back, e-mail: mylias@tm.net.my