Friday, June 24, 2005

Would you tell?

I wrote this sometime back, I cannot remember when. And I think I might have published this, but when and where? Anyway I am revisiting this article and republishing it.

Who will tell you if you have BO? Or a bad breath? These are things that people will not tell you. You find out for yourself. And if you find it out too late then you loose a friend or worse a girlfriend and at the worst end you wife (or husband as the case may be). Why do people won't tell? Is it because you will not accept the fact or because he/she is scared to tell you. Afraid of you reaction. Afraid of your denial. Afraid that you may become ashamed or worst still violent. Would you tell you friend if she/he has BO or a bad breath? Would you be still or continuing associating with him/her?

Would a lady tells you her age. At the most she will tell you her birthday, hoping that you will remember it and probably give her a present on the occasion. It is difficult to judge a lady's age. In the kampong they age faster than those in town, probably in the kampong they get married at a younger age and have many children (they dare not use family planning methods, its too cumbersome or too revealing or even a taboo. But in reality where would one throw the used condom after you have used it?). In town it is also not too easy to tell a lady's age as they use very thick/heavy make up or powerful perfumes. By the time you decide to ask or even to guess the age you forget about them, fascinated by the make up or overpowered by the perfumes. And in some advanced countries, 'make up' is so extensively used, you can hardly tell what the lady's age after the 'lifting'. In Malaysia today there is a famous lady who have worked in night clubs in the USA and now back here hosting a show. You can hardly guess her age. She sings and danced (and have her hair dyed blonde) like she is in her 20s. In fact she has a TV show showing that she is about 20 years old.

Would you tell if you loose a lot of money? Not many will. Many will just put up a brave face and bear with it, and nobody knows about you loosing the money. But sometimes it depends on where you loose the money and how you loose them and when you loose them before one can just bear with it. If you loose the money. at the Stock Exchange, you probably will pretend that it does not happen. At Genting Highland, gambling, you may probably commit suicide. Anyway in both cases some may probably commit suicide instead of telling people about it. But who wants to listen?

Would you tell if you get conned? Again I believe that not many will tell. One will be very ashamed if one gets conned. People may think that one is a sucker, or a stupid person and not able to recognised a con man. Many have fallen for cons, can you believe that the Nigerian scam had hit many rich and educated people in Europe (and some in Malaysia), so I am told. Would they admit that these things happened to them? Some told but many have not, I believe. In Malaysia many have also been hit but very few surfaces.

If you are married and is having an affair, would you tell? Reading gossips columns I observe that not many will admit it. Worse still, they will not admit the affairs to their spouse, by the time the spouse finds out, its too late. The couple would probably have decided that the spouse has to go. In some cases the decision may be right but, to my mind, in most cases the decision is based on emotions. Regrets will results. I know of a divorced couple whom after the divorce had taken place for a few years and the ex-wife became more glamorous and seems sexy, the husband keeps asking her to come back to him, he by then has already got a wife (his old affair partner). First wife status? No, must be second wife as the ex-wife proposed marriage is now after the marriage to the newer wife. In this respect I find it very difficult to accept a Muslim man's rationale that he marries more than 1 wife. Why more than 1? I suppose to boost his ego, but deflating his 'brother'. I see nothing wrong in taking more than 1 wife (you cannot go against the religion) but to marry more than 1 wife just for the sake of religion I cannot accept. There must be better reason than that. Of course I cannot accept the 1 man and 1 wife relationship as well. I see that in a 1 man 1 wife relationship people have mistresses and girlfriends on the sideline.

Now back the subject of 'won't tell'. Would you tell people when you first masturbated ( I take that most of us are not angels), where you masturbated and who accompanied you (if you the exhibitionist type) and how you did it. You would not tell. And your first sex experience, would you tell? With whom, where and in what circumstances, and was that experience rewarding? Even if not rewarding, you won't tell, worse still if it was rewarding - you would not tell your partner.

When you got married (I will assume here that some readers are married), how was your first night? You won't tell. You won't brag about it. Worse still if your bride had not been a virgin, in Asia it would be a great shame to both parties. In certain countries in Asia they even would have a white bed sheet for the newly married couple to sleep on during the first night so that if the bride is virgin, blood stain would be left on the sheet. Imagine that everyone will know and you won't even have to tell. What if there is no blood? A fiasco. The family may even have a divorce in their hands. I do not really know whether this happens in the western world. Anyway the girls would not tell if she is a virgin or not before marriage. But again what is so important about being virgin? I cannot tell, would someone tell? And why only for the girl, why not for the man? How do you tell if a man is 'virgin'?

Would you tell your friend that you could ride a bicycle when you were young? I know of many who would not tell. Give them a bicycle and then only you will know. But people will tell if they cannot swim, in most cases, even before being thrown into the water. And you can tell if people cannot drive. In some countries you can 'buy' Driving Licence, so when you drive you reveal yourself. Years ago we could do that in Malaysia, that is 'buy' Driving Licence; they called it Kopi 'O' licence. Why Kopi 'O'? Because you gave coffee money to the Testers to get your licence. Nowadays you do hear anymore of such, anyway if there is any no one will tell. Even if you tell, there will be denial all around. Or even suing in court.

When you ride on the train or a bus, the person siting next to you may look very ordinary. He/she may have a lot to tell but he/she won't tell. You cannot ask as you may be accused of being a busy body. And for all you know that person has a lot problem he/she wants to tell someone or he has no problem but is very knowledgeable on certain subject. He/she won't tell unless you ask. But our imported culture is such that we won't even ask a question of the person next to us for fear of 'telling'. Before we imported that culture, we would probably ask. You won't tell and she/he won't tell. Its such a pity really and if only people would open up, and tell, nobody would should get hurt really. But people won't tell. Don't you sometimes feel that if only you can speak to the person next to you on a bus or a train you may find that you are meeting a new person and probably make a wonderful new friend?. But taxi drivers will tell you everything, that is why in the Travel programme on TV they tell you "If you want to know about the people you ask a taxi driver".

And Muslims normally are not proud of them being not a good Muslim (maybe some are proud, I wouldn’t know - and they don’t tell either). They won't tell if they drink, gamble or fornicate. They probably do but they do not tell. They won't even tell you if they don't pray 5 times a day or don’t fast during the Ramadan month. If they are believers that is. To those nonbelievers now but were originally believers, not many will tell that they are already nonbelievers. Why? Ashamed probably or just the feeling of guilt. But being a Muslim is not easy, you can hardly tell people about what you are for you may be accused of being a 'terrorist' (after the 9/11 incident) or among the Muslims you may be accused of being 'riak' (show off), for which you are committing a sin. So you won't tell. You won't tell when you do right and when you do wrong.

We have a situation in this world today where people won't tell unless you are paid a fee. They say that knowledge has a value, an intellectual value. Maybe true, but would it be wonderful if people would communicate and tell. Imagine a world where people are so friendly and tell everyone everything. Would we be losing our senses or would we be gaining knowledge? Its hard to say, its just does not happen and we cannot tell.

To Shout Back


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