Saturday, October 09, 2004


Time seems to have move on very fast. It was as if yesterday we Muslim had the fasting month of Ramadan and now again its very close to Ramadan. And after 1 month it will the celebration of Eid. And still before you know it, it will be the end of 2004 and going into 2005. And yet for most of us the elderly, we still feel young and energetic. Not realising of course that our hair on top is getting thinner and grayer, and our neck line shows mark of skin folding. Our eyes showing crows feet and our middle.......bulging mostly. And we walk a bit slower than before and our knees and legs begin to ache when we stand for a long time. To those of us who are lucky enough, these signs will not show overnight but to others they will show every time you look at yourself in the mirror. There is nothing much that one can do about that. For the men its not really that bad but for the women I suppose it is worse.. In the West (and some in the East as well) they would go for the face lifts and skin stretching, but how many lifts can one do and how much stretching can one have. They will still show somehow to searching eyes.

A time of growing old, a time when one have to be at peace with ones self. I am not sure about the other races and those of other religions, but for the Malays and those who are Muslims this is the time when one would (or should) visit the mosques more often, prepare oneself for the next world. How many more years can you live in this world? I am not just reminding that to anyone but actually and should be targeted to me. I had had a good life, I must thank God for that, and it is only at this time of my life that I must show and demonstrate my gratitude to God. Just follow what He says, and hoping that He will be pleased with me and put me in the ‘right place ‘over there.

Time moves on, weather changes. I was in KL last week and it was stormy and raining almost every evening then,. Now I am in Kuantan, about 200 km away, and it is raining, the storm is not mush to be seen but the rain can be quite heavy and persisting. Only distant thunder can be heard. Its a different scenario altogether, peace, cool and quieter.

There are times in ones life when one can reflect on what one had done. I have not done so, but there are times when I think about my past and what the future will hold for me for the next few more years (hopefully) whilst and if I am still alive. What will I do? What can I contribute? What will people contribute to me? How do I survive the everyday living? Will I be of any use to the society at my age? Will I be bothering people when I am older and helpless? I know that I have done whatever I could do for myself and society while I was young and climbing up my career ladder. But did I do enough? Was my contribution recognised? Were the other people’s contribution recognised? By others and by me? I am just a small twig in a big society tree, did my twig help in the society’s overall well being? Many questions but no answer.

The generations before me have now been long gone. I remember them. But how many people remember them? If they do what do they do to ensure that they are not forgotten? But what is the use of remembering them anyway? Again questions, questions, questions!. And the generations after this, will they ever learn from the mistakes of the past generations? Or will they still be experimenting with what the generations before them have been doing. But in my mind I know that the generations after me will be a very different generation altogether. Technology has advanced so fast that even the present generation (I mean the older present generations) is not able to grasp the technological changes that affect their present lifes. Its a tug of war, the newer generation is trying to do things ‘their way’ where as the present older generations is telling them that ‘do not make the same mistakes that we made’. Who is right? I cannot tell. I can see all that, I can see the present generation is rebelling on the old and tested methods of the older generation, and yet the older generation is trying to hold back. Perhaps this is not so obvious in the Western society but in the Eastern society, its a real aching situations.
Time has changed. Peoples have changed Food have changed, maybe not that obvious but still there is a marked changed. You can see the difference from what we eat yesterday as compared to today. Today its all fast, fast, fast, nobody has the time to wait. This is in line with the emergence of the American fast food business which help a lot in accommodating this fast, fast, fast needs of the present. Good or bad is not for me to argue. But it serves the purpose, good quality they say nowadays.

Time has seen the advance in communication. Thing that we never thought of even 10 years ago are such as Internet and cell phones. Anyone reading this can imagine that I would not even be able to write this long winded write-up without the computer and without the ‘zap’ by Internet to a central processing place where anyone who is interested can read what I write. Who thoughts about the advance of hand phones? Now one would feel rather naked if one does not carry a hand phone. My apologies to those who do not like hand phones, or who do not carry hand phones and to those areas where hand phone communication is not available. But by modern standard such cases can be considered backward. Actually I am rather backward myself because even though I carry a hand phone, I have it on silent mode. I cannot bear to hear a hand phone ringing, I thing such cases are considered as antisocial.
What more can I say, everything is different now from what it was 10 years ago. Time has seen to that. Time progresses fast and at the same time we have progressed fast. Forget about the exploration to outer space; we have not even yet explored the depth of the oceans. And we have not even explored the human body to the full to cure all diseases and we have not even explored the human mind, the most powerful weapon that a human being has.

What is time in reality?. It just grows by and you cannot even see it passing you. Is this the big bang? And you will never get it back, it goes on and on and on and on and nobody can stop it. Its infinite and its eternity, which is first? I do not know really. You tell time by looking at the clock. In those days people watch time by looking at the shadows of the sun where there is the sun and by the nature around you if they do not see the sun. But watching time will not get you anywhere, it does not wait for you, it does not even know that you exist. You know that it exists but what can you do about it?

Its interesting though that we try to measure time up to a nano second. So what? Of what use really that nano second is?. Even in breathing we take nearly one second (or fraction of a second as there are 72 heart beats to a minute normally). And when we stop breathing, even a millionth of a nano second is of no use to us. We rot. And can we also stop that?

Time is a flux, its no ghost. A ghost may not even exist but time is always there. And the flux is in constant change, and changing and changing. So it goes on and on and on and on.................................................and we just goes on with it without even be able to lift a finger to control it. So............................................ ......................................................................

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Monday, October 04, 2004

Hospital Once More

The top of my thigh next to the groin is still sore from the angiogram which was done on last Saturday morning. The process was simple and you are conscious of the whole process, you were even allowed to watch the TV
screen to see what was being done by the heart specialist during the process. The only pain that you felt was when the Doctor injected local anesthetic at where he was about to puncture the blood vessel to insert his tube and his probe to your heart. That was at the top of the thigh just to the right of the groin. This was a fascinating process.

On the Saturday morning I was given a sort of ‘straight jacket’ to wear, very thin, almost see through. The process of shaving the pubic hair I already did yesterday before I entered the hospital ward. I did it myself, I do not want
the nurses to do it for me. Even then the Nurse had to examine me to ensure that I shaved properly, and in the process she has to look at my ‘bird’ and
I did not like that. Anyway she was only doing her job, she was probably married, pretty and her name was Siti Salmiah.

That morning they wheeled me on the bed to the operations theatre. It was a pleasant ride, you on the bed and a trainee nurse pushing and guiding
the bed, by lift, 4 floor down. I was not really ill but anyone looking at me
would think that I was really ill. In the theatre the Doctor, a Class when we
were at school, and whom I have known for the last about 30 years was there with his Nurses. And I was asked to move into the theatre/operating bed. Funny though, the operating bed was warm. And while they did the probe,
I felt warm every time they injected the dye into me. And they did a good
job. After the operations, the puncture was depressed to keep out blood from spitting and bounded tightly with elastic bandages., And in the process the Nurses had to push aside my ‘bird’ and I was too engrossed in what had been done to care. Then I had to get back into the original bed with which I came.
I was pushed back to the ward where I was originally bedded. I was wheeled
up. I was told to sit in bed, and very still for 6 hours. The idea was that they
did not want the blood to spit out of the punctured blood vessel at the groin.
If it happened I would have been in real trouble. A couple of nurses had to examine the bandage and in the process they must have spied on my ‘bird’,
not much of a sight though as I was in such a state that I was not even excited.

As I said earlier in my earlier blog I did not even expect that my heart
problem can be that serious. On the Monday after the operations when I
went to see my friend the Heart Doctor he showed me that I have the Main Artery blocked and secondary artery narrowed. The third important artery,
he did not photograph that but he presumed that it was OK. Not only was
my Main Artery blocked but it also had calcium and the three sub arteries
from it also blocked at their beginnings. That is serious. I cannot even ask
my friend to do angioplasty on the blocked Arteries, he advised that I have
to do a ‘bypass’. So now he said maybe the Surgeon I have to use the LIME artery for the main bypass, small branched arteries for the branches from
the Main Artery and another artery for that part to bypass the narrowed
second artery. If you do not call that major, what is? And he says it would
take about 3 hours to complete the surgery, two days in ICU and one month
to recover properly. Major isn’t it? And 3 months with no driving. Wow wow, big problem. He recommended many hospitals in KL, and also many Heart Surgeons, whom he says he has complete trust in. And the cost,? Well I may need to sell off one of my cars to pay, plus probably to get a loan from some kind people so that I can pay for the operations and everybody involved. After that what? I will still have to get back to work, if my current work has not
been given to someone else in my absence. Anyway I have to arrange with
some friends to take over my jobs in the Kuantan area.

For the purpose of my original investigative angio I went into the Gleneagles Medical Centre in KL on Friday. I checked in late, there was no hurry. And the operations was only done the next morning. Actually I have not been feeling very well before Friday but I was still good. On the Wednesday I went with a group of old friends to visit a power station at Port Dickson. I was able to
climb about 40 steps to get into the control room. There was a lift but I
hought I had better walk up the stair case. I felt the pain in my chest but I
did not really bothered. And on Thursday I visited a few places in the course
of my work.

Let me tell you about the hospital. From outside its like a Hotel but the inside
is very averaged. I went into a 4 men room, my room mates were an almost dying man from Kelantan, a man with watery lungs and a man from Hong Kong who came to seek medical treatment here (I think). So the room was pretty quiet, except for the wheezing of the man with the watery lungs and
the off and on noise by the Hong Kong man. The Kelantan man died the next morning. And the air in that ward was rather sombre the two days I was
there. But now and then the man with the watery lung played his radio
pretty loud and also speaking aloud on his hand phone. But that was all.
His daughter who came to visit him was quite civil.

The nurses, well as usual they seemed to be very busy, but one thing I
observed, there were many Trainee Nurses. And they seemed very keen.
But of and on I hear them arguing about the diagnosis of certain diseases, talking about how to treat those diseases, talking about the medicines and
how to go about and what to do in those circumstances. But I suppose there must have been a Trained Nurse with them all the time so that what ever
they wanted to know were resolved then and there.

I noticed though that the Hospital have one Coffee House and a Cafe. Eating
in the Coffee House is expected to be expensive and I did not go in there but eating at the Cafe was also very expensive. Somehow, they have taken the opportunity, with no other eating shops nearby where patients and visitors
can have their meals especially at odd hours of the day and night. And the
ood in the hospital? Not to my liking. I asked my wife to buy food from the outside. Anyway I was only there for 1 night.

I was so happy to receive a SMS from my daughter in UK. The SMS goes
like this;
Doubts sees the obstacle,
Faith sees the way,
Doubts sees the darkest night,
Faith sees the day.
Have faith in Allah so that your darkest night can be filled with shining light.
Glad it was successful you know that laughter is the best medicine so keep smiling and may Allah fill your days with sunshine. Ameen.

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